Tales Told by the Overreactor

You asked me if I'd make it better ;Asked me if we could grow old together.But you don't mean a thing to me,So I'll walk by quite happily.And now I guess that you've moved on as well.Understand me, take me fullyUnderground where I can not be found.Understand me, take me fullyUnderground where I can not be found.- Pickpocket, Kate Nash

Okay. We all have our moments when we're sure we might die because Anthony didn't ask us to the spring fling and went out partying with that slut Ashley instead. But sometimes, when we have a conflict with our neurotransmitters or a mental disorder (term used lightly 'round these quarters), we go way over board. and we often have fights with people who mean the most to us. It isn't just because they don't understand. It's greatly because you don't.

When we hear big news that throws our balance beam sideways . . . It's not the ideal situation and we rarely use the rational throwback.
I'll give you an example:
Who remembers Savannah and Joe? Well, I've become very nice friends with Savannah; yes, the enemy. And Joe and I . . . we aren't on the same page lately. I'll explain him later. Anyhow, I knew it would be the last chance Joe would ever give me. And when I blew it (I swear I don't even know what I did, but I'm sure I didn't mean it), I could barely stand. Seriously. I felt all tingly, because he is my first love and [was] my best friend. I truly doubt I could survive a fortnight without him. He was everything. I ran to my best friend since cradle years, naturally. We shall call her Allison. Well, I have gone to Allison more times than I can remember when I was upset about Joe (given, she was a mutual friend who could get him to talk to me).

I knew Allison was tired of talking about Joe. I knew it annoyed her, and I understood it all rather well. But I thought she would do me a favor if I'm at my road's end (that is almost crying and eating your weight in Rollos').  But she just had a break down too. Of the anger genre, however. She full on snapped like a snow pea. It wasn't pretty.

She  started  with "All I hear lately is Joe this and Joe that." That was rather obnoxious in my little opinion. Because it's not true. And I talk about Joe because he's the only part of my life she can help (not talk through. But help. She can't cure me or make me extroverted). Allison then told me to try to be happy. Like I don't try to get out and get better and accept life or get over him given all the times he's made me cry. I don't try as hard as I should but don't you ever say I'm not trying. . . . Anyone depressed should understand that. Yeah?

Well, while I was, in my opinion at the least, reasonably mad, I did tell her off more than I probably should have. I was completely taken aback. Here was this girl, my best friend for 14 of my 15 years of my life, telling me that one of my very nauseating insecurities is annoying and that she's done helping. I tell her, at first, that I just can't talk to her at the moment. I knew that if I did, I'd snap back rather sassily. I'd have told her off in some rides remarks I'd never imagine meaning. But she can't believe I'm leaving the conversation.

A mistake I somehow overlooked was telling her that I may not talking to her for a while.

I learned later that she didn't fully know the complex mind of someone without serotonin. She didn't realize how bipolar I am and how I say a lot of stuff spur-of-the-momently.

Typically, my know-me-rather-well friends tell me to calm down before talking to them again, or they won't reply, because I just go modeling-bitch on them. Total ballistics. Well, maybe not ballistic. 

Somewhere between a saucy chihuahua and a mother bear.

From last night, I've learned that I need to stop myself before hand. I need to think everything through thoroughly and use introspect even more (I use it most of the time, unless I'm pushing irate).

So, to all you bipolar bears, depressed groundhogs, anxious turtles, back talking parrots, and neurotic owls: Let's all think it through before losing someone we really need.

I wrote this in a rather uncomfortable position (80 pound dog in my lap..)

PLEASE HAVE A GREAT DAY. MMMMWAH.

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How Low Can You Go?

How Low Can You Go?
                     by Megan B

It's sad when you finally realize how you feel. No, how you are. Having depression was a feeling. Crying every night and hurting, was a feeling. This isn't a feeling. This is sitting alone in a dark room, pushed far back into the corner, a curtain draped around you, but you can tell the monsters are out there; hissing, clawing. They want to make you bleed.

But they never stay around to watch the blood drip.

It's sad when your soul is just gone.

When you want to cry, but just cannot. The tears don't come. Because nothing in your life is worth crying over, yet you feel it is.

You want that release of emotions, for the headache to disperse.

In the darkness, all there is besides a chilling draft, are painstakingly long days, drawn out by meaningless jabs from stupid people; people that like to see you hurt. Monsters hidden in makeup and gorgeous masquerades that drag you in. You dance and play and parade with them. And you turn around for only moments before being jabbed in the back with a sharp stake called Reality.

And you go to the Darkness and heave like you're crying; dry tears.

Everything in your body aches. You wish they were like the emotions; numb.

Anything would be better than the cold Darkness––with its slate gray, freezing stone flooring and blackboard walls. Dusty chalk particles etched onto them; frolicking symbols, spelling out words, each one like a knife in your heart.

The monsters laugh.

No. Not anymore.

They need to know what they did.

They need to watch me bleed.

Books are an Introverts Best Friend

Recently, after taking a test, I learned I have introversion. Let me tell you a few things about introversion; a few things denying the common rumors and misleads.


MYTH: Introverts don’t like to talk.

TRUTH: Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

MYTH– Introverts are shy.
TRUTH: Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

MYTH – Introverts are rude.
TRUTH: Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting. (When speaking of Introverts: Exhaustion is the feeling of being wiped out after public gatherings. Recharging is the term used for the time spent alone after an outing. This is normal done in one's bedroom, alone, with a hobby they find relaxing.)

MYTH – Introverts don’t like people.
TRUTH:  Introverts intensely value the friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

MYTH – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
TRUTH: Introverts don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts. (Friends and family often worry that they are depressed when they are recharging.)

MYTH – Introverts always want to be alone.
TRUTHL Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

MYTH – Introverts are weird.
TRUTH: Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

MYTH – Introverts are aloof nerds.
TRUTH: Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

MYTH – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
TRUTH: Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

MYTH – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
TRUTH: A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ. (There are more introverts in a group of people with high IQs than a group of people with lower IQs.)

Slightly altered version from this tumblr blog.

Introverts are Actually Sardonic and Rather Brilliant

A few great examples of the way introverts do, in fact, think:

 

An Introvert's Lexicon The following is meant to be a humorous look at the world from an Introvert's point of view. WORD Extrovert's Definition Introvert's Definition Alone, adj. Lonely. Enjoying some peace and quiet. Book, n. 1) Doorstop. 2) Paperweight. 1) Source of comfort. 2) Safe and inexpensive method of traveling, having adventures, and meeting interesting people. Bored, adj. Not frantically busy. Stuck making small talk, and unable to escape politely. Extrovert, n. A nice, normal, sociable person. Never surprises you with anything weird. A boisterous person who may be very nice, but who is somewhat exhausting to spend time with. Usually not too deep, but fun. Free time, n. A time when you do group activities. (See Introvert's Definition of work.) A time when you read without interruption until you're in danger of going blind. Friend, n. Someone who makes sure that you're never alone. Someone who understands that you're not rejecting them when you need to be alone. Good manners, n. Making sure people aren't left all by themselves. Filling in any silences in a conversation. Not bothering people, unless it's necessary, or they approach you. (Sometimes you can bother people you know well, but make sure they aren't busy first.) Home, n. A place to invite everybody you know. A place to hide from everybody you know. Internet, n. 1) Another medium for advertising. 2) A place where geeks with no life hang out. A way to meet other introverts. You don't have to go out, and writing allows you to think before just blurting something out. Introvert, n. One of those who like to read. Moody loners. Be careful not to tick them off; some of them are serial killers. One who shows a perfectly natural restraint and caution when meeting new people. One who appreciates solitude. Often, one who enjoys reading and has a philosophical turn of mind. Love, n. Never having to do anything alone. Being understood and appreciated. Music, n. Background noise. Something with a tune and lyrics which may be moving and intelligent, or may be drivel. Phone, n. Lifeline to other people - your reason for living. Necessary (?) evil, and yet another interruption. Occasionally useful, but mostly a nuisance. Reading, v. A chore that a teacher makes you do when you're a kid. You have to do it in secret and pretend you don't really do it, or people think you're strange. Shell, n. Something you find on the beach. What people relentlessly nag you to come out of. Why do you have to leave it, if you're happy there? To go out, v. Requires at least two people, and the more the better. Constant chatter, loud music, sports, crowds, and food consumption are all fun components of going out. Can be done alone or with others. Enjoyable if there's some point to it; i.e., in order to see a band, a movie, a play, or perhaps to have a stimulating discussion with one or two close friends. Work, n. Having to read, write, listen, or concentrate on anything. Being pestered every five minutes about something trivial, and not allowed to concentrate. Next let's take a more serious look at some differences Extraversion (70-75% of population) Introversion (25-30% of population) Energized by what goes on in the outer world Energized by what goes on in the inner world Need to talk to clarify what they think Need to reflect before they talk Can be seen as accessible and understandable Can be seen as subtle and difficult to know well initially Difficult for them to just sit & listen Work quietly without interruption Often work to change he world Often work to understand the world Interests often have breadth Interests often have depth Interaction Concentration Sociability Territoriality Multiplicity of relationships Limited relationships Expenditure of energies Conservation of energies

- New Reflections Counseling

     

My next post is going to be about neurotransmitters. Stoked? Yeah. Neither am I.

Have a good night everyone!!(:

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~ Megan!

Writing a Blog . . . Now That's Okay.

Just something about nothing.
Summoning the courage to get out of be in the morning, now that's hard.
Finding the strength to pour coffee, that's hard.
Eating burnt toast and realizing you actually have to live today, that's hard.
Reading a book, that's easy.
Watching TV, that's a little boring.
Sitting outside and drinking tea, that's fancy.
Wanting to talk and having no one's ear to borrow, that's tricky.
Noticing it is only  half-past noon, that's horrible.
Breathing, that isn't so bad.
Eating ice cream, now that's wonderful with the right people.
Doing homework, that's terrible.
Petting cats, that's nice.
Smiling, that's worth it.
Crying, that hurts.
Being sad, that's all I kow how to do.
Playing the piano, that's pleasant.
Tuning in and out of your own thoughts, that's intense but rather interesting.
Perusing the dictionary, that's brilliant.
Travling to France, that's lovely.
Brushing your teeth, that's sort of long.
Brushing your hair, that's really annoying.
Planning out your near future in your head before you drift asleep at night, spectactular.

Things You Don't Want to Talk to Your Parents About

Don't try to tell me what to do,
Don't try to tell me what to say,
You're better off that way. . . .
This guilt trip that you put me on won't, mess me up I've done no wrong
Any thoughts of you and me have gone away

- Avril Lavigne, Don't Tell Me

This song is  about a boyfriend, but I do believe the lyrics aforementioned fit quite nicely to the average teenager's thoughts against his or her parents.

This is another great song by Kate Nash. It's called Mariella and is all about this little girl, Mariella of course, and how she is very unique and different . . . and her mother cannot stand it!





She marched to her wardrobe and threw away the color,

because wearing black looks mysterious--

but it didn't impress her mother!

She wanted to dress a baby in patterns and flowers,

but Mariella just crossed her arms,

and so she cried for hours. . . .

"Mariella . . . Wear some pink and pearls.

You can have your friends around

and they can stay for tea.

Mariella, won't you just try to fit in?

Please do this for me!"

Most people, and by most I really mean the majority, do no understand what anxiety or depression or worthlessness feels like. Therefore, I would like to off me being your adoptive parental unit. Contact me for help any time! (Contact info in the sidebar => )

So here are a few things you never want to talk to your parents about, and a few answers to those questions.

I just found this on Tumblr. This is how my legs looked almost
nightly though, I'm better. Scarred, but no more bleeding for me!

Cutting 411 (More like 911! . . . Ba dum tsss)

Question #1: Why should I stop cutting if it helps? It's  not too deep. Just a little scratch.

- It is never just a little scratch. It will multiply

- Your skin is not all you have to worry about. Cutting causes a lot of self-conscienceness about your body, which is just another worry you do not need!

- You might be planning a small scratch, but the razor slips. You can cut so deep you bleed out. You can't be stitched up if cut in a certain orientation (I will no be telling you this).

- No matter the size, you are prone to infections, some are even fatal.

 Question #2: Regardless of my current cutting habits, how can I hide my scars from everyone?

- Honestly, I don't want to answer this. I'd rather you stop because you can't have people see them. And quite truthfully, there is no way to hide them. Some day, you will have them seen, or at least questioned.

- Long sleeves work well, but avoid wearing them in hot climates; questions may be asked.

- Bracelets! Lots of bracelets! Stack them up!

- Jackets. This shows you can take it off and be cooler, but still supplies the cover up.

- Rub a cut up lemon across your scars daily. It really works!

- Once legal, I'm getting a tattoo across my wrist. I'll see it anytime I'm triggered. Photo below!

Question #3: How can I stop cutting? I'm ready for help!

- I quit cold turkey (such an unflattering expression).  It was tough, but I liked it. I stopped the moment I realized I was bleeding more than ever before. I counted it day by day. I made myself wear shorts and short sleeves; my body open for all approving eyes. I will admit to giving in occasionally, even now, but very rarely. I stopped officially, I say, in October--towards the end. I think I have a small relapse every month. Mostly just one little "session". My most previous was actually Sunday. I didn't cut, but I chewed my lip till I bled.

- Think of how nice it will be to have normal clothing! You might have to pick your wedding dress around your scars! That would be the pits! How will you tell your kids? What happens if your mom walks in on your changing--or anyone, for that matter? You will have to explain the scars.

- Won't you be proud to have accomplished something that once seemed just so damn implausible?

Relationships in the 21st Century: From "Courting" to "FWB"

Question #1: He wants to fool around only. Is that okay?

-Absolutely never ever do this. Promising, one person always ends up hurt.

- If it's your first time to do anything, don't you want to share it with someone special?

- I don't care who denies it, you will never be comfortable friends again. It will always be shifty eyes and interests in one's shoes.

- You can end up with some sort of STD, and you most certainly don't want one if it wasn't even for someone worth it!

- Boys are boys. He will mostly likely tell his friends and the word will get out. Trust me.

 

Question #2: How do I know if I should break up with him? 

- I have a rather interesting checklist to know if he's wrong or staying strong:

1. Does he make you laugh?
2. Do you trust him around other girls? (All. Not just that one girl.)
3. Do you have fights more than once every two weeks? Not bickers. Fights.
4. Do you like the same music?
5. Do you like the same movies?
6. Does he make you feel bright?
7. Do you guys get to do goofy things?
8. Do you think he just smells lovely?
9. Do you see yourself with him next year?
10. Does he make you sad?

Question #3: Am I ready for sex?
- Do you love him?
- Are you ready to support a child if you happen to have one?
- Will he stay with you if he is the father?
- Do you want to? Or does he?
- Are you knowledgeable on safety? STDs and HIV? Do you understand how you can get pregnant?

Friends or as Annoying as the Bends?

Question #1: She was telling someone something I didn't give her permission to share. Now it's a  rumor circling the school!

-Was she talking about you behind your back? That isn't a friendly thing to do! But if she was asking for advice, and the other person exaggerated it to a rumor, that isn't so bad. You both need to talk about it and decide how to react comfortably.

Question #2: We like the same guy!

- Some argue that DIBS! is the best determination. I think neither of you should make a move before one of you are over him. Make sure she is okay with this!

Question #3: Best friends--Can't talk openly?

- Been friends since elementary school? You feel obligated to be friends. Never! If you can't talk, then you can't be friends. Friends are real.

- Ask them to open up. If they seem agitated, give them some space.

- Seek trust in her. Open up a little at a time.

- If you can't trust them, you need to tell them.

It isn't easy to talk to parents, but you should try it some time.

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Writing



Coffee and Cigarettes and Anorexia

Coffee and Cigarettes are best when shared with you. We'll go to Waffle House or your mom's house,

and share a cup or two. Yeah, I have friends, but they have friends, and they have parties, and I'm so akward. So what do you say, just as friends, we see a movie this weekend, alright?

Okay.                                    - Coffee and Cigarettes by NeverShoutNever



Guitarist other brother this past Summer<3

Well, this idea isn't exactly mine. I've decided to start adding a few song lyrics in here. Music is a ginormous part of my life (as I play the piano and grew up surrounded by my brother's instruments of all sorts),  so I think it is only logical to post some of the words that have created a big impact, support, or just down right happiness for me.

Now, this idea did come partially from The OCD Diaries' Mood  Music.

So, this blog post is going out to disorders evoked by society. I feel it is only right to use a quote from Demi Lovato's song Lightweight. This song mostly comes across as a love song. However, with farther investigation, I do believe it has a lot to do with society (afterall, songs mean something else to every listener). I believe Demi is the object of society. She loves society by means of appreciation, because it tells her where she is in life. It tells her if she is too thin, too fat, too ugly, too stupid. And therefore, it doesn't let her "fall", because she thinks it is nice having a constant telling her what she needs to do to become more popular.

This is actually unfortunate. While it seems like having something telling you what you could do to be better, its term of "better" is more like "unhealthy but worth it*". She loves the way society makes her feel, because it helps her be more comfortable in her actions. However, with few words, society hurts her and causes her to feel broken (AKA, starved from BDD).

(Here, I have italicized the words I believe show how society hurts her.)

I'm a lightweight, 

Better be careful what you say.

With every word

I'm blown away.

You're in control of my heart.

I'm a lightweight,

Easy to fall, easy to break.

With every move my whole world shakes.

Keep me from falling apart. . . .

Could this really be

A safe place to fall? . . .

Do you even know

How you make me weak?

Me: Where have all the flowers gone?

Society: We have a great variety of pollen free roses.

Me: Where have all the fathers gone?

Society: Women can do everything a man can.

Me: Where has all the talent gone?

Society: You have more flexibility with synthesizers and animation, you know.

Me: Where has all the color gone?

Society: It's only black and white arguments now, deer.

Me: Where has all the food gone?

Society: There's a fast food resaurant just down the street.

Me: Where has all the brilliance gone?

Society: This is Google, Bing, eHow, Wikipedia, Ask, and Yahoo. Take your pick.

Me: Where have all the words gone?

Society: Texting is much faster.

Me: Where have all the people gone?

Society: Plastic is perfect.

- Me, ha ha

When you think you're fat, your first instict is do anythign to get thin. Hasn't everyone heard of survival of the fittest?

You really just need to go to a friend. On the way to their house, you pass up a CVS with magazines in the window.

101 Sex Tips to Make Any Man Love You                             The Low-Cal Diet for J.LO's Body!

Next Top Model Auditions Near You                             Fab-Ab February: Making Boys Love Youe

How to get the Blonde Hair Guys Can't Resist             Pain is Beauty: 5 in. Heels at Urban Now

      You sit on the curb and cry. McDonald's is across the road from you, and you can't resist. Eating your feelings? You were taught how to do that. Don't think it's nataural. When sad, you recieved candy as a kid. Your mom showed you how chocolate releases endorfens when you hit puberty. You know comfort in food. Before you know it, you've downed a whole large strawberry malt.

   You feel sick. You look down and imagine your thighs already closing the gap between them. You rush to the bathroom with your finger wiggling down your throat.

   Pain but for no gain.



ANOREXIA NERVOSA, BULIMIA NERVOSA, BINGE EATING WILL DESTROY YOU.

Inside to the outside, from body to brains, you will be ruined.

Long terms effects include:

Kidney failure. Liver failure.
Blurred vision. Cataracts.

Loss of voice. Chronic sore throats.

Esophogus damage. Esophogas rupture (100% fatal, severely painful).

Infertility. Miscarriages.

Brain damage. Bipolar disorder.

Serotonin deficiency syndrome. Chronic back pain.

Chronic bone pain. Heart attacks.

GAD; generalized anxiety disorder. Hypoglycemia.

Diabetes. Arthritis.

Ruptured colon (usually fatal). Loss of teeth.

Alopecia (baldness). Dry skin.

Skin disorders. Low blood sugar.

Rotting teeth. Pain in ribcage when breathing (caused by tight skin).

You are beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. You never need to change your looks for anyone. You don't need to harm yourself for beauty when you already have it. I don't care how heavy you see yourself, you're gorgeous and perfect. Don't waste away for nothing. Don't you dare.

You're here for something. Food is here to eat. And gag reflexes are to prevent choking, not induce vomitting.

You have big things planned for you. You are amazing and so much stronger than imaginable.

You've got this, deer.

Be Strong.

For Me?

Please.

You can always message me on Tumblr or . . . anywhere(:

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CHECK OUT THESE AMAZING ANA/MIA/BDD VIDEOS FROM YOUTUBE:

Deadly Thin (My Favorite)            Dana, the 8 Year Old Anorexic        Starving for Perfection